August 21, 2019
Suicides lead to many emotional problems for the family members of the suicide victim. Of course, they feel grief, but often they feel anger and shame, also. I saw a man whose 26 y.o. son shot himself in the head nine months ago, in front of one of his sisters and now, all of his sisters are suicidal, and his father began drinking, and became so angry that his wife made him leave their home. He admitted himself into a Christian treatment program in order to get some help.
This man became very tearful while I was teaching a class on “How to Overcome Anger toward God,” and he explained that he had recently lost his son. I met with him afterwards and helped him identify his feelings. He told me that he felt sadness, grief, anger, and shame but his strongest feeling was just missing his son. He explained that his son had a girlfriend whom got pregnant, then she refused to let him see his child, and she cut him off. His son became so depressed about the loss of his girlfriend and his child that he shot himself. I explained that there were two steps for releasing grief: make a list of what you miss about the person, and tell God, in prayer, what you miss and ask Him to take it from you.
He said that he missed being with his son, spending time with him, working with him remodeling homes, his positive attitude, his sense of humor, playing sports with him, spending holidays with him, and teaching him how to draw. He identified 20 things he missed about his son, then I led him in a prayer and he told the Lord all of these things, and asked the Lord to take his grief from him. I then prayed and asked the Lord, “What do you want him to know?” “He’s okay,” is what came to his mind. He said that he did not think his son was saved, but this thought felt true to him. He also said, “It will get better; I will be able to live in peace.” I asked him how he felt now, and he said, “Happy. He’s okay. I see him smiling.”
He admitted that he still had some sadness about his son’s early death. He felt sad that he died so young, he committed suicide, his death affected his family so badly, his sisters are suicidal, and his girlfriend had cut him off from his daughter. He also felt sadness and shame that he was working out of town and was unable to be with his son on the day he killed himself. I led him in another prayer to give these feelings of sadness to the Lord. After telling the Lord what made him sad, he asked the Lord to take his sadness from him and replace it with peace. I asked the Lord, again, what he wanted this man to know. He said, “I’ll be able to see my son’s daughter and help her. It’s okay; stop blaming yourself.” His sadness and his feelings of shame immediately stopped. When I asked him how he felt, he said, “There was a purpose. God will turn it around. He will make something good of this. The healing process will start with me.” He stated that he no longer felt any sadness or shame.
I asked this man if he felt any anger at his son or his son’s girlfriend. He stated that he felt anger at the girlfriend because she refused to let his son see his daughter, or even provide the child with food or clothing. It made him angry that this led his son to cry a lot and turn to drugs and beer, and eventually he shot himself. It also made him angry that the girlfriend refused to talk to his son when he was alive, but went to his funeral when it was too late to help. We prayed about his anger and he gave it all to the Lord. I asked the Lord what he wanted this man to know and he said, “She’s waiting for me to call her (the mother).” He said he felt at ease and had no more anger. He said, “I’m very happy and proud of him.” He stated that he felt peace and he visualized his son “smiling and happy.” He said that his son was missing an eye and half of his head after he shot himself, but this image no longer upset him because now he could see him smiling, laughing, and happy. God took away all of this man’s grief, anger, sadness, and shame and gave him perfect peace, so he can go home and help his family find peace, as well.